Jealousy: Feeling & Healing
Written By Brittany Taylor
Jealousy is an emotion I used to try and avoid at all costs. The more I resisted it, the more it persisted until I had a debilitating experience, resulting in the loss of two loved ones from my life, forcing me to come face to face with emotions and thoughts I had been suppressing for 24 years.
The journey that followed was nothing short of life-changing. I met jealousy head on, weak in the knees, sobbing, sharp pangs in my heart. Over and over again, I met this complex web of feelings residing within me. I studied myself from the inside out, I understood, I misunderstood, I pulled people close, I pushed them away, I tried to be strong, I found the depth of strength in vulnerability. I’d think I had finally healed and would revel in the relief of the thought that I’d never feel jealous again, and then I’d find myself feeling that familiar fear, desire to run, feeling of worthlessness, feeling like I couldn’t be here with this right now, feeling jealousy choking me again.
Now, 8 years after beginning my healing into jealousy, I haven’t experienced the emotion as I once knew it in a long time. I’m experiencing an openness of love, an understanding I could not have fathomed from my previous perspective. I also feel open to jealousy, open to the wisdom I know it will bring me if it ever shows up again, open and eager to welcome it as a friend and as the teacher and ally it has been to me.
A few years ago, towards the tail end of my big transformation through jealousy, I decided to start documenting and sharing my journey with the world. What came from it is a comprehensive program I offer to others, in guiding them to welcome in and learn more about themselves through their own jealousy, to heal their relationships, internally and externally. I share the tools that have continually worked for me, through much self-experimentation, so that you can benefit from expedited healing without unnecessary pain. I have interwoven stories, personal journal entries, and wisdom from others who have been an interval part of my healing journey, including @conor.love @neza.slak and @thepoemdances.